i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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