Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
