I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
