he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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