I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
