its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
