My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
