He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
