im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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