I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He passed out mid-signature
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
