This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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