So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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