i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
