Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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