there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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