there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
