JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
