his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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