i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
