I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
