My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize