i think my mom watched the whole time
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
