That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
