I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Holy shit dude........stairs
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
