i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wish there were birth control emojis
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
