if you like me you must not know who I am
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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