What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
