You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
