Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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