wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
