Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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