Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
