I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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