I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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