you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
