I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
