pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
