why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
