I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
