i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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