Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
