dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
