You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize