I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
