Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
