today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
