we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
