I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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