He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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