my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sorry about my life...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
