the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
