i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
