Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
