I think I died a long time ago.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
