apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
