There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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