Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize