How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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