so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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