It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
