My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
