this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
