I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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