R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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