So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
