I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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