Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
