Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
