Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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