Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
