She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
